Like most people, I feel uncomfortable with the dark side of humanity, because its seat is within me. It's manifestation occurs in my mind. This has become a central theme in my work with clients and yoga students this year.

I’ve noticed it in my daughter’s artwork just this week. It is as though she is absorbing and processing the energy around her in the material world, which she has always intuitively done. The current theme is darkness, and specifically, dark spirits.

She has spent several hours a day on this latest passion. Though she has no need to explain them, and oftentimes doesn't know why she has drawn them, she does rush to show them to me, as though she knows my soul will understand her soul.

As my daughter and I shine light on her dark depictions, the story unfolds. It changes. The dark spirits die, they are reborn, they commune with other dark spirits, and extinguish themselves yet again.

I accept that darkness is part of the universal order. But therein lies the prize. Dark spirits are, at best, the absence of light. They can not be sustained, but rather, point all of us back toward the light. They too are angels, only those that have turned away from the great Love and Wisdom of all that is. We can truly be grateful for their place in the Divine order.

Why does a soul turn away from Love and Wisdom? Perhaps we, as Spiritual beings living a human experience, can help one another with this question.

As Ram Dass says so beautifully, "We are all just walking each other home".

With Great Love,
Julie

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In my newsletter just a couple weeks ago, I mentioned feeling “blue”. This past weekend, I had another round, though I found myself calling it “dark”. I am inspired to share my study of this feeling, because I know the majority of us experience this at one time or another, and perhaps more-so in our current reality. Mostly, I believe we misunderstand its value for ourselves and our world.

My recent experience of feeling down resulted in a greater appreciation for the potential of darkness. Holding this space for myself was very uncomfortable, unbearable even, but there were a few things that guided me through. One of my favorite teachers had said to me that when wounds are ready to come to the surface, we can not avoid feeling our way through them. Feeling them in our body, in our heart, in our soul, shines the Light of Consciousness on them.

I am reminded of a nightmare I had about 20 years ago, in which I was being chased by an escaped prisoner. After running through the dark woods for some time, I finally said to myself, “What am I running from?” I turned around and yelled to the prisoner, “What do you want?!” In that moment, he shrunk down to a small and cute gremlin, and looking up at me said, “I love you.”

What if our darkest moments are leading us to these words each and every time? I love you. This is what I’ve found to be true, and it helps me to trust the unbearable feeling of it each time. This last weekend, I studied the feeling more intently. As usual, it was heavy, as though I had exhaled and decided not to breathe in again. “What was this all about?”, my mind wondered but I remembered to trust the visceral experience, which is an earthy, instinctual and bodily knowing, rather than of the intellect. This resonated with my recent yearning to focus on my root chakra, on staying grounded amidst the shaky and uncertain political climate.

As I held my deep and heavy sorrow, I started to use a different part of my consciousness. As I merged with the feeling of it all, a memory or imagination of myself as an Army General came into my mind. I was the leader of a troop, and we had lost the battle, my men laying dead on the ground around me. I felt an incredible sense of failure, shame, guilt, and unbearable sorrow. In feeling the depths of this, I also felt compassion for this “General” that was myself. I felt compassion for all of humanity that have lived and died through so much violence.

Many people in the field of spiritual consciousness believe we are going through a cosmic or astrological dark period, a cleanse even. It is a time in which wounds can more easily surface, perhaps collectively from past lives. Each time we hold these experiences for ourselves and others, we open the energy field for more healing to take place for all people. As we heal our individual wounds, we heal the collective wounds.

As you read my story, I wonder if you found yourself wanting to fix me, or help take away my sadness? When we do this to others, and to ourselves, it is a form of asteya, stealing the space within which a powerful consciousness can emerge. Simply hold the space, for yourself and others, offering no words or remedies but perhaps the energy of “I love you” in your heart.

With Great Love,
Julie

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This morning I woke up feeling blue. I am studying the potential for this energy within myself, and am grateful for the capacity to step back and observe discomfort. This is perhaps the greatest gift that Yoga teaches us. The witness perspective is the foundation for understanding deeper truths, such as that life is always changing, and that we can’t have joy without sorrow. From this place, we can become more empowered by the reality of our lives, by developing compassion for ourselves and others, and making space for new ideas and choices.

As I observed my “blue” feeling, I could describe it as depressed, sad, heavy, uncertain, lonely. The feelings were familiar, though I haven’t experienced them in some time. I began to think about how so many people suffer in this way, and perhaps even more so in our current world environment. In my mind, I found comfort as I reflected upon what I am reading as of late--two large volumes in which Paramahamsa Yogananda, an Indian monk, interprets the Bible.

What comforted me? I thought I’d share the three most consistent messages in this voluminous and beautiful work, the final writing of Yogananda, who taught meditation and Kriya Yoga, and founded the Self Realization Fellowship. I hope that the cross-section of ancient Yoga with the essence of Jesus might help us feel a stronger foundation and inspiration at this time. Truth exists in the energy beyond our differences.

The first message reminds us of the limitations of the material world, of the nature of being human, of our mind and our ego which, left to their own devices throw us back and forth between likes and dislikes, pain and pleasure. Yoga calls this back and forth between rajas and tamas, the “noose of suffering”, and beckons us into the third or sattvik state, in which we can observe “what is” in a more neutral, pure, objective, peaceful, accepting way. Another way to experience this state is to observe the pause between the inbreath and outbreath. Try it. Yoga often describes this pause as the closest thing to our illumined “natural state”.

One of the more useful skills to help us navigate living as spiritual beings in a material world is the quality of moderation (bramacharya) in Yoga, or “temperance” in Christianity. It's a very beautiful recognition that no one thing is good or bad, but that there are elements of good and bad in all things, and that excess, as well as deprivation, may be a harmful thing. It gets at another fundamental teaching of Yoga, which is that all things are neutral, until we attribute a quality to them. The choices we make about food or work or relationships reflect the quality of energy that motivated the choice, not a certain quality of the choice itself. It has seemed helpful to remember that this skill of moderation is one of “back to center” rather than achieving any perfect state, for things are always changing the choices we need to make.

And here comes the second message from Yogananda’s interpretation of Jesus--the importance of coming back to Center, to our spiritual wholeness in any given moment. Yogananda does a beautiful job inspiring this process as he describes the blissful state of communion and connection to our Source, to God, to Mystery. He inspires us with realized knowledge (jnana) as he gently repeats, again and again, that this can only be obtained through personal experience, through setting aside time to cultivate “an interiorization of the Soul”. The practice of meditation and mindfulness helps us develop the mental muscles to invoke and focus upon these qualities of higher vibration, like Love, Union, Receiving, and Gratitude.

The third message, in many ways, affirms and combines the first two, but provides added comfort for those of us who feel “blue” in a world that seems to be falling apart. It has to do with just how incredibly difficult this wisdom is to practice, as exemplified in the countless doubting questions that Jesus contended with, even in his highly spiritual apostles, even after demonstrating the power of love, healing, forgiveness, wisdom, and service to others.

Being human on a journey toward spiritual wholeness is a mountainous journey. We see a glimpse of this, even in Jesus, when he said in his final hours,

God, why have you forsaken me?

Jesus, too, lived in the material world as a human being. He, too, had at least one moment of feeling disconnected from Hope, of feeling doubt, confusion, loss of meaning. And, then, his final words, for those who chose to crucify him:

Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

I have to agree with Tosha Silver, author of “Outrageously Open”, that these are perhaps the most beautiful words ever uttered. Is it possible that we could see through the eyes, and feel through the heart, of Jesus in this profound moment, and forgive all whom we don’t understand or like, those who have offended or harmed us? Can we continue to bring the Love and Compassion of our inwardly-cultivated natural state, found in the pause and possibilities of each present moment, to the greatest challenges before us?

I am grateful to be on this journey with you. May we uplift and support one another,

With great Love,
Julie

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On this morning's walk in the woods, I asked for a Message for Humanity. The Chipmunk came in quickly, presenting itself for the third time this week, in an unusual way. All three times in different locations on the trail, the chipmunk was completely still, bathed in light, and sitting upon a large boulder.

The boulder looks even more enormous under the smallness of a chipmunk. This awakened in me a sense of strength in our foundation. This is an opportunity to become more aware of the nature of our own foundation--what supports us and gives our life strength, structure and meaning. Collectively it is also important to remember the incredible foundation that has been prepared for us. It is easy to criticize our history or even our leadership. There is, of course, much to feel sorrow about as we look back upon the foundation of our humanity. But there is also incredible wisdom, compassion, creativity, intelligence, and love for our brothers and sisters. It is upon this foundation that we are called to carry the torch forward.

The second message came through in the light that shone directly upon the chipmunk each of the three times. It would seem useful to say that life is continuously shining a light on things that our soul wants us to see. As we learn to trust that which life brings to our attention, our journey becomes one of surprise, joyfulness, curiosity, adventure, youthfulness, and all of those qualities brought to perfection in spirit of the chipmunk.

The final quality that was unique was its absolute stillness. Chipmunks are so often playing and darting here and there but on these three occasions the chipmunk was completely still. I need not suggest, yet again, that especially at this time of year, and with the increase in stressors between now and the end of the year, that creating more moments of stillness for ourselves will be extraordinarily powerful for us, and for the world.

May you reflect upon your foundation, trust what life is lighting up for you, and create moments of stillness within which we can experience the "peace that passeth understanding" (om shanti).

With Great Love,
Julie

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The Barred Owl spread its wings, lifting up from the ground to my left and landing on a tree branch directly in front of me. It rotated its head away, and then all the way back towards me, as though letting me know how important it is to include this wide perspective if we are to be wise in the world. The owl is often considered an ominous totem, but I have come to see it more as a kind warning to pay attention, especially to our shadow.

The Owl kept its steady gaze upon me, inviting me to remember what I had been thinking about before it startled me. I was considering an article I read called “Healing Thinking”, written by Rolf Sattler, in which he condenses the work of other philosophers before him into four levels of logic. It turns out, our most recent Yoga Community discussions generated a similar thought process for managing our current environment of division and strained relationships as a result of COVID and the election year. Our shared wisdom included taking a pause, asking questions to clarify our understanding, and being non-attached to the outcome of our conversations and actions in the world.

I will paraphrase my understanding of Sattler’s four levels of logic, which begin with the dualistic or “black and white” thinking (i.e. fear and control) so prevalent in our world right now. The second level of logic occurs when we are able to consider another person’s perspective, or “be in someone else’s shoes”. I am eternally grateful to my Mother for her consistent efforts to deeply explore how someone else must have been feeling, or what might have motivated an otherwise incomprehensible act. She truly taught me how to “pause, and keep an opening for more truth to come in”.

With this second level of “both/and” logic, we are able to see how anything “bad” also has some good, and how anything “good” also has some bad. My favorite example is how we all have a unique skill or attribute that makes us exceptional, and that same trait has a dark side, and vice versa. My daughter is not able to easily make sense out of letters and numbers, which has caused her abilities to become more highly developed in relational awareness, emotional intelligence, intuition, and singing.

The third type of logic, found in Yoga and Buddhism, is called “neither/nor” thinking. In the Yoga Sutras it is referred to as “neti-neti” or “neither this nor that”. Yoga also calls this “neutral thinking”. For example, rather than thinking the rain is bad (negative thinking) or good (positive thinking) we simply think, “It is raining”. This step can be quite difficult, and also very liberating with practice. Like the Zen meditation practice of contemplating a koan such as “one hand clapping” the effect is to stump the mind, thereby opening us to that which is beyond the mind.

The fourth level of logic is traced back to Jainism in ancient India, and invites us to add to any of the first three levels of logic the phrase, “In some ways” or “from this perspective”. This truly makes me laugh, as it reminds me of a quality I’ve noticed in the Yoga Scriptures, such as the Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads. The Sage in the story offers wisdom to the student, who struggles to understand. The Sage tries another approach, and another, and another, until the student understands. It is fundamentally forgiving and compassionate, recognizing not only the complexity of reality, but the difficulty in being human.

This is essentially what the Owl was saying. "Life is complicated. Turn your head this way and that to open to a fuller perspective. Steady your gaze upon your Wise Heart. Be quiet. Be patient. Be gentle."

With great Love,

Julie

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